Comparing is part of our social conditioning. Almost everyone does it. It’s hard to unlearn. It’s been hardwired into us and part of the herd mentality we have brought into for so long. As a consequence, many of us spend large amounts of time, and energy, comparing ourselves to others.
While comparing might feel harmless, or even a positive, that gives us something to aim for – it can too often have a much darker side. Comparing can quickly become toxic. It can lead to a cloud of dissatisfaction that never leaves us. A sense that wherever we are, and whatever we have, is never enough.
When we compare, we can also let ourselves off the hook. We can compare ourselves to others but then make excuses for (what we perceive to be) their successes.
‘I didn’t get the breaks they did”
“They are so lucky, everything was lined up and easy for them”
“I have a family and commitments, it’s different for them”
We tell ourselves some combination of these, and other reasons, for things being the way they are. Excuses – plain and simple. Excuses we allow ourselves to hide behind, as doing so is easier than facing up to some hard truths.
We also have no way of really knowing how those we are comparing ourselves to actually feel. While others may look to have it all together, while they may look happy and well balanced from the outside, the truth may be very different. Only they will know for sure.
In our heavily curated, InstaHappy times, where many project an image and brand of all conquering success, there is also a whole lot of sleight of hand going on.
No one’s life is all cocktails on the beach and good times. We will all face our challenges and tough times. We will struggle. We will all have our darker moments. Not what you find on everyone’s social media accounts of course but it is true nonetheless. With the high points will come some low points. With the moments of clarity will come some times of uncertainty.
Another Way – Comparison Free Living
Too often, comparisons become a race to the bottom. We owe life more than this. We owe those around us more than this. The simple truth is, we owe ourselves more than this.
We should be doing all we can to set ourselves up to succeed, not fail. We should be our own biggest supporters, not our harshest critics. We should celebrate our mini-successes along the way, not bemoan the fact that our successes are never big enough.
We can choose to focus our time and efforts on what we can do, what we are in control of and how we really feel ourselves. Concentrating our energy on how we can be better, how we can do better in our own way.
We can use others as positive motivation but leave the unhealthy comparisons behind.
We can even go one step further, we can commit to living a comparison free life.