“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.
Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh
In this profound quote, by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, lies a direct challenge. A burning set of questions follow.
Are we really the source of our own suffering? If we are, how do we walk a different path?
While others do have the potential to hurt us, especially those we love most, we get in our own way
more than we should. We are not always kind to ourselves.
Our inner talk often biases itself to the negative. You know the stuff:
“You’re not good enough”
“You should have tried harder”
“You’re lazy”
“You’re not worthy of happiness / success / good things”
We imprison ourselves with this thinking. We get stuck in a construct of our own making. Shackled and bound by our inner self. We view the world with a lopsided perspective – assuming the worst.
We suffer more than we need to.
So, what to do?
In principle the answers are simple. However, simple is not to be confused with easy. What follows is literally a lifetime’s work. We can take ownership of our lives by trying a combination of the following:
- Replacing our negative inner talk with a more positive and supportive voice (“I am good enough”, “Good job”, “Go for it”)
- Adopting a gratitude practice
- Trying to let go of feelings that do not serve us
- Working on ourselves (this could be self-study, time with a coach or mentor, as part of a group or all of the above and more – the options are many)
- Being kinder to ourselves and adopting self-care practices
- Trying the new and pushing beyond comfort zones
- Celebrating the best parts of ourselves and our own successes (small and big)Being of service to the world around us (giving gives back)
As we scratch the surface on these deep areas, we’ll start to build momentum. Some experimenting is needed but we will find early successes, if we commit to the process. What works for me may not serve you, we need to personalise our experience.
As we learn to adopt new habits and behaviours, we will find positive fuel. Our outlook will shift. Our world may even feel like it changes.
Step into the ownership principle.